This service is mostly reserved for 8th graders to ask every single question from their Algebra homework every day and 15-year-old girls asking complete strangers if they think they are pregnant. People who don't ask intelligent questions don't deserve intelligent answers. I'm going to give people what they deserve by personally answering their queries the only way I know how: like a sarcastic asshole. Enjoy! Question 1: “How can I encourage a 10-16 year old girl to work out? Like lift weights, run, play sports, and maybe martial arts. I just wanna know how you can encourage one to.” Answer: I just get my daughters subscriptions to popular women's magazines and write with a black sharpie "YOU'LL NEVER BE AS SKINNY OR BEAUTIFUL AS HER!" or "THIS IS WHAT A REAL WOMAN LOOKS LIKE!" in the pictorials. They usually get the message pretty quickly.

That or giving them literature right before dinner on the ‘positive effects of developing an eating disorder’ work wonders on a husky 11 year-old girl. Response: From jayydee You’re a monster Question 2: “i know babies are protected by all the fluid and stuff....but what happens when i PLOP down kinda hard onto my couch. i feel like maybe its too rapid of a movement for the baby followed by impact although its cushioned. so is it bad?? “ Answer: I’d be very concerned. That’s the technique that abortion doctors started using since the ‘Coat Hanger’ and ‘Hoover’ method were made illegal.

You’d be surprised how well furnished their offices are becoming. Anti-abortion groups are now seeking God’s wrath on La-Z-Boy and their sadistic baby killing machines. Response: From: bizzurke ohh your answer was just SO SO funny. Like oh my god i totally couldnt stop laughing!!! stupid ****. You should really try finding better **** to do with your time then **** with people on the computer.


R. Will Burns , Betsaida , ARTICLES

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.


Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!