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Let’s Replace “Your Mom” With “Your Dad”

Do you remember the last time someone said something about your mom?

“Hey John! Where have you been?”
“Fucking your whore mother!”

“That is one fat Dachshund!”
“Almost as fat as your whale of a mom!”

“Thanks for coming to my grandmother’s wake. It means a lot.”
“I force-fed your mum my cock before she shit out a cyst and molded it into you!”

Passé, huh? No one cares if you call their mom a crack-smoking chimp slut, or say that you fucked her until literal death, or twisted her titties into churros. If anything, such insults are a sign of weakness. Eliciting easy “your mother” jokes from some teenage chump you’ve been dominating in Halo is merely a sign of ultimate victory –  that they’re truly grasping at straws.

And so, I propose a change of sex. I propose, “your dad” jokes.

The next time you get the urge to tell your buddy that you buried your face in his mummy’s thick minge, try a different approach.

“I sucked your dad’s dick last night.”
“What?”
“He has a pretty nice dick. Tasted like SweeTarts.”

I guarantee they’ll be left speechless, incapable of a return. And that’s ultimately what you’re going for, isn’t it? At best, they’ll muster up a half-hearted, “that’s gay,” to which you reply, “if it’s gay to take your dad’s load all over my man-tits, then call me Richard Simmons!” Not only do you disarm their easiest retort, but further your own method of attack.

The key is to sexualize their dad. See, the excessive sexualization of mothers, along with a splash of that whole Freud bit, and people simply aren’t bothered by mom jokes anymore. But a dirty dad? That’s new. That’s fresh. That’s uncomfortable.

“Hey John! Where have you been?”
“Getting milked by your dad’s supple pink lips.”

“That is one fat Dachshund!”
“Not as fat as your dad’s thick chode!”

“Thanks for coming to my grandmother’s wake. It means a lot.”
“Your dad put on leather thong and nipple tassels and let me penetrate his rectum with an eggplant last night.”

Beautiful, no?

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