Guns N' Roses have finally released Chinese Democracy, their album that's been 15 years in the making. The last time they had an album out, Al Gore hadn't even invented the Internet yet. So is there anyone out there still interested in buying a new GNR album? I'll tell you who is not interested - people who realize that the only thing that made them great was Slash. No, it wasn't Axl and his whiny, Ethel Merman-esque voice. It was Slash, and he's gone. Of course, this logic would suggest that Velvet Revolver would be just as good as GNR, which is clearly not the case. What can I say? Some things defy explanation. However, I'm sure there are a few people actually excited about Chinese Democracy. Mostly, people whose high point of their life was their senior year in high school in 1987. You know the type. The guy who in high school worked as a dishwasher at the Sizzler, and now he's the night manager. He knocked up his girlfriend on prom night after pressuring her into sex, saying he couldn't wait any longer, ironically while GNR's ""Patience"" was playing on the radio. Despite the band's presence when the pregnancy occurred, they've always had a special place in his heart. When they broke up in the mid-90s, he had nowhere to turn.

What band out there could possibly replace GNR? Better Than Ezra? Hootie and the Blowfish? Goo Goo Dolls? Afraid not. Sure, Limp Bizkit eventually came to the scene, but it just wasn’t the same. A hard rock band rapping? Axl Rose would never rap! So here it is, 2008, and the album is finally available. This guy doesn’t care that Slash is nowhere to be found on the album. It says Guns N’ Roses, the voice sounds like Guns N’ Roses (sort of), so that’s good enough for this guy to end 15 years of musical hibernation. And yes, the guy I’m describing is, in fact, Joe the Plumber. Deal with it.

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.


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