When does certain slang go from cool to uncool? Because I really want to represent with da pimp juice but I’m buggin’ cause I’m only stupid dope fresh. Ya dig, Daddio? It constantly amazes me how a word or phrase is everywhere one day and then vanishes from the planet the next. One moment everyone is adding “izzle” to the end of every word and the next thing you know it’s as dead as drinking Snapple Iced Tea (or, “it’s as dizzle as drinking Snappizzle Iced Tizzle”). Without warning a once great way of expressing yourself has immediately become lame. And if you doubt me, try this little test. Walk up to a friend, look him straight in the eye and say with a completely straight face, “I’m vibing on your stylo. Slap me some skin, Homie”. See if your friend doesn’t laugh so hard that he accidentally vomits on you. The fascinating thing is that old slang is never really brought back. It never becomes cool or retro to start using “too hype” again. When slang is dead it is truly fucking dead. It’s never recycled unless it’s done in a mocking tone – “groovy” when poking fun of hippies, “totally rad” when mocking skate punks and “twenty three skiddo” when openly ragging on your aging and sickly grandparents.

Some slang never dies. They are like vampires living forever. “Cool”, “sweet” and even “hip” are examples of slang that could survive a nuclear holocaust. Others, like “phat” and “bad” were really hot and have since cooled off but probably won’t die – they are like utility players in the NBA who bounce around from team to team, chugging along season after season. And some slang should have been killed off immediately, like “bling”. The fact that someone didn’t suffocate the term “bling” with a plastic bag right when it first came out is a crime against the English language. Shouldn’t there be some sort of an announcement to the general public when a slang phrase kicks the bucket? Shouldn’t there be a nationwide, massive e-mail saying: “Attention to all of those concerned: the term ‘all that’ has unfortunately died from overuse and testicular cancer. It is now officially replaced with the newly coined phrase, ‘palmskin sparkly’. Please start using said phrase immediately”. It’s always sad to see a beloved slang term bite the big one. I wish that “word” was still around and not a day goes by that I don’t tear up thinking about how much fun we had together.

There’s nothing better than agreeing with someone by using the definition of a combination of sounds that is a unit of language. I miss you, “word”, and I wish you were here with me right now. But, alas, nothing gold can stay. Once a bit of slang is born it is destined to eventually die. Slang is first born in the major metropolises, spends it’s teenage years in the burbs, lives it’s adult life in the country and finally spends it’s old age overseas where it suffers a massive embolism and dies in its sleep. So, to answer my own question - where does slang go to die?

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