SHORTFILMS
WEBSERIES
FUNNYARTICLES
INFOGRAPHICS
THINK YOU'REFUNNY?

WHAT A FUCKING GAS

Summer's here again, and you know what that means: Another passable excuse for oil companies to jack gas prices to newer and higher record highs. I swear to God every time I walk outside it's like living in a sci-fi movie about a "not too distant future" where gas has vaulted to 4 or 5 times its real value while terrorists cleverly disguised as old, rich white men destroy the country from within. In LA, we're lucky enough to have the highest prices in the country and a subway that stretches like 4 blocks. Anyway, this system is broken and it’s time to get out. Here are some forms of alternate transport that should help fill the car-sized gap in your driveway. 1. Blending Into Celebrity Entourages Even a minor celebrity like Steven Seagal travels with upwards of 20 similarly dressed, squinty meatheads in tow. If this sounds like your scene, pick out some douchey v-neck clubber’s-T at Ed Hardy and get down to the Virgin Megastore on Hollywood Blvd. Make sure he sees you fondling a copy of “Under Siege 2: Dark Territory” and he’ll hire you on the spot. Once you get near your destination, excuse yourself to a kickboxing tournament. He’ll respect that. For the return trip, tell Britney Spears that you still care about her vagina and hop in the back of her Range Rover. When she crashes, walk away quietly.

2. L.A. River Jungle Cruise L.A. to Long Beach commuters could utilize the river’s current to make the trip in engineless skiffs piloted by striking SAG members. The actors could hone their skills by delivering quippy monologues about current city issues. They could recreate the thrilling hippo attack sequence of the Disneyland original by exchanging gunfire with the various gangs that claim the river as turf. 3. Jumping off bridges onto the roofs of passing trucks Essentially this works the same way as the current system of bus stops, but without the messy social stigma. Plus, at $0.00 per mile, it’s now officially worth the considerable risk. If you can do it without killing her, this will seriously impress any first date. 4. Slinging Coke/Heroin You’d keep your car in this scenario. You can just make a lot of money this way.

0
Shares
Error, no Ad ID set! Check your syntax!

MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.

FEATURED VIDEO

Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!