Someday, someone from my generation is going to want to be president. And they’re going to be screwed, but not in the Bill Clinton way. In the Geoffrey Angleslaugher way. Who is Geoffrey Angleslaugher? Exactly. Someone painted him fucking a donkey in 1808 and he never even got to the primaries. If only he’d made the history books, perhaps you would have thought twice before you let your roommate facebook those 79 pictures of you passed out naked in a bed of vomit. I’m not anti-naughty photos. I get it. I’ve been there. That shot of you making out with your freshman year roommate is really hot. And it’ll still be hot, years and years and years and years later. And, if you’re really lucky and work really hard, someday, when your old, wrinkling self aspires to a position of public office, well, that photo will be positively flaming. (Gay! OMG she’s totally flaming GAYYY!) Yes, kids, we’re screwed. Our requisite rebellious years converged perfectly with the advent of cheap digital media. And holy shit that was awesome. How liberating was the realization that you could develop nudie photos without wondering whether or not the guy at the local 1-hour-photo was going to call the cops? And take 467 group pics of your friends dressed up as S&M hookers without spending a dime? Awesome.

With that great power came no consequences. At first. Now, we’re screwed. Everyone has a nasty photo or two out there. Say what you will about Sarah Palin, but I’d be willing to bet that she’s had considerably less fun than the rest of us. But, guaranteed, if the Eskimos had digital cameras when she was a young lass, the blank canvas that is her history would be marred by more than a couple JPGs. But perhaps those other “students” at Matanuska-Susitna Community College could have finally parlayed their educational experience into something profitable. Deep down, I know that I shouldn’t be posting up pictures of my best friend in her underwear, taking shots of tequila the night before a big work presentation, somehow I do it anyways. At least I have the common sense to write these blogs under a pseudonym.

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Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!