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THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SEXY SHITTING

Nothing is quite as satisfying as listening to a gaggle of women the morning after a night of heavy drinking. Upon waking up, after checking out one another, someone will get up and go to the bathroom. Once she emerges, this woman will look at her friends and brag about taking the best, most awesome shit of her life, and her friends will be jealous. If there is a man present this will never happen because women somehow think they’ve convinced men that they do not shit, ever. In a way this is a good thing because I am sure men never want to hear about the fact that their girlfriend took a massive shit in the shape of an S that she secretly dubbed, “Super Shit”. So I understand that there is a bit of a gender understanding when it comes to taking a shit, but let’s not pretend overall that women never shit, ever. Too bad some women cannot handle the fact that they do take shits and people know it. Once, I was at a party where this girl went into the bathroom for over twenty minutes. At some point, people started getting upset at having to wait so long to use the facilities. Finally, my sister walked by and said, “Relax people, she’s just taking a shit. Just relax and give her some respect. She’s making a poopie.”

Well, the second my sister said that, the bathroom door flung open and a tiny woman emerged and wanted to know who said she was taking a shit. This girl was enraged beyond belief and acted like she was ready to fight. Eventually, she gave up because my sister asked her if she was in the bathroom for twenty minutes shaving her face. All night long she kept saying, “How dare that girl say I was shitting. How dare she.” Right, how dare she, because everyone knows women do not shit. Duh.

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