I recently saw Bad Religion play at the House of Blues. [Ed. note: Can I pay $40 to see a punk band play in what looks like the line waiting area for the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland?] The band was fantastic, but as every punk rock fan knows, there is an illogical, violent, spirited, retarded force at every punk rock show that cannot be ignored: The Mosh Pit. The logic behind the mosh pit is basically such: As a mosher, you show the band how much you like them by running around in a circle and indiscriminately beating the shit out of those around you. The more you run and punch, the more you dig the band. This set up is particularly crazy because the logic doesn't transfer to other scenarios. If you get a particularly good quarter-pounder at McDonalds, you don't show your appreciation for the kitchen staff by running around in that area in front of the register and punching other customers in the face.

Or if you see a musical you really like, its usually not appropriate to hop down into the orchestra pit and murder the French horn player. It’s unfortunate, but its true. There is also a "pit code" that says if a fellow mosher falls down, they are immediately picked up. This seems like a very peaceful, utopian idea until you consider that the reason they’re on the floor is because they were just shoved down there, and that it will only be a matter of seconds before they are shoved down there again. It’s like the circle of life. But instead of "life," it’s filled with "savage beat-downs." The oddest part about the mosh pit is the dude who is immediately shirtless when the band hits the first note. There is one in every pit. Its as if he has planned this move ahead of time to be like a costume change.

Even though he is fat and sweaty and spends 2 hours ramming into other dudes, he is the first to call the bowler hat you’re wearing "pretty fag-queer." I do not understand The Mosh Pit, but I do respect it. Where else would it be socially appropriate for an adult male to punch a 13 year old girl in the face?

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