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THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS: DIABLO CODY VERSION

174 America's Next Top Model cycles ago, thanx 2 our rents' rents, America Offline left the beaver DIY-style, a n00b WOW kingdom w/ a Libertarian baby daddy, all OCD over hot fellow man love. Now we're caught up in this North Coast-South Coast beef, seeing if our peeps can gel w/ ur peeps enuff 2 form Hands Across America, 'til death do us pizzart. As we chill at the scene of all this white-on-white crime, I pour one out 4 our homies who were down from jump street but pulled a JFK so our Grand Old Posse can keep on keepin' on. Word to our founding mothers. But we can't get all "Jesus Walks" over this turf. Its cherry's been popped, and we can't stitch that vajayjay back up. The OG's, online and off, who had their caps peeled up in this mug have made it a Virgin Mary silhouette on our tortilla of life. Don't get it twisted. This viral audio will soon be Audi, but 2moro, next gen hard drives will back up the struggle for the Futurama. Here and Now That's What I Call Music, it's ABFT that we do the damn thing that got our BFF's pwn'd.

We gotzta get crackheaded aboot this fux0r’d shizznit. In this flame war, it’s live free or diehard with a vengeance, so let’s Voltron up and Save Private Ryan so our brohams will not have bin fragged in vain. We roll thick under the Notorious G.O.D., and when we push more starz ‘n barz out that baby hole, everything will be off the heeswax. After all, all our base are belong to us—uv the peeps, bi the peeps, 4 the peeps, ‘til def do us part. OMGWTFBBQ.

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.

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