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STRAIGHT TALKIN’ JOE VS. PITBULL SARAH

Phrases that Joe Biden will inevitably let slip during the Vice Presidential Debate: Joe Biden has had his fair share of public gaffes, and he's bound to have some fantastic ones during the debate on October 2nd. They're never delivered with malicious intent, but the cable news networks are already licking their chops at the prospect of some awesomely damaging Biden sound bites they can play on a loop. Here are the 3 most likely "Biden-isms" we'll hear on that fateful night: 

"Barack Obama is the nicest 'colored fella' I've ever met." Like most of Biden's gaffes, this will be said with the best intentions. It will happen when the moderator throws him a softball question and asks how he gets along with Barack on a personal level. Biden, trying to relate to the audience, will answer with this phrase with a smile and a shrug.

"Sorry, I know my outfit looks a little faggy." After a month long back-and-forth with her, Joe Biden will finally let his wife Jill pick his shirt/tie combo (she will choose purple on pink.) A reporter covering the debate (one of Biden’s old college buddies) will tease him before the debate, and just before he hits the stage, Biden will come up with "the perfect opening line." "We can’t afford another 4 years of the Bush administration because that guy is… well, he’s a motherfucker." Biden will get really fired up during one of his rebuttals, and the whole crowd will be behind him as he blasts scathing remarks at Ms. Palin. And while he knows he’s not supposed to swear on live, national television, he will rationalize to himself in this moment that "motherfucker" is really the only word that properly describes the sitting president. The crowd will fall silent, but Biden will forever be immortalized in YouTube’s "most viewed videos of all time" section.

Phrases that Sarah Palin will inevitably let slip during the Vice Presidential Debate: And while Joe Biden is prone to gaffes, "slip-ups" make up the entirety of Sarah Palin’s lexicon. If she’s not reminding us that she’s just a regular hockey mom, she’s reminding us that she knows very little about anything. Here are the 3 most likely "Palin-isms" we’ll hear on that fateful night: "Yes, I DO have the credentials necessary to advise the Department of Agriculture… because I make one fierce green bean casserole!" Joe Biden will rip on Sarah for having no idea what the Department of Agriculture does, and she will dumbfound him with this bold exclamation. Like so many of Governor Palin’s sound bites, in a month people won’t be able to remember if Palin actually said this or if it was a line Tina Fey said in an SNL sketch.

" lipstick!" The moderator will ask her an intricate question regarding how she and John McCain plan to sort out the financial crisis on wall street. She stare blankly, first at Biden, then at the moderator, and finally to the television audience. A small smirk will creep across her face, and she’ll confidently exclaim, "… lipstick!" She will pause for cheers, but will instead hear the sound of the moderator telling her that response makes no sense. She’ll then say she didn’t hear the question. "Well sure, Joe Biden can negotiate peace deals with foreign dignitaries, but I’d like to see him drive his kids to hockey practice!" This will be the moment when Palin tips the scales in her favor. Stay-at-home moms across the nation will glance up from their laundry folding and smile, and even though Joe Biden will be screaming at the top of his lungs that "that has nothing to do with anything" and "my children are adults and don’t play hockey," it will be too late.

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