Using the word “Genius” You know who was a genius? John von Neumann, the Hungarian mathematician. A key figure in fields such as ergodic theory, game theory, and the development of the personal computer, he developed the concept of cellular automata and the Von Neumann Universal Constructor, and wrote books such as Mathematical Foundations of Quantum Mechanics and Functional Operators, Volume 1: Measures and Integrals when he wasn’t working on the unprecedented thermonuclear reactions during his stint in the Manhattan Project. You know who isn’t a genius? That waiter that found your keys. You know who is a genius? Napoleon. You know who isn’t? Stephen King. Please, just because nobody is ever going to refer to you as a genius is no reason not to give the word the gravity it deserves. Using the word “Existential” Existential is one of those words used by stupid people trying to seem like intellectuals. Since most people don’t actually know what the word itself means, when they hear it, they pretend to know what it means, i.e., they take it on faith. One of the facets of existentialism is a term called ‘Bad Faith’. Look it up.

Using the word “Classic” A classic is culturally significant and influential work of art. These don’t come along very often, and do not apply to anything in the past five years. Misusing the word “Ironic” Just because something is funny, snarky, snide, or irreverent doesn’t make it ironic. When skydiving 60 year old Jan Davis, jumped off Yosemite’s El Captain during a protest intended to show the safety of jumping off tall objects while wearing a parachute, and plunged to her death in front of a crowd, that was ironic. When you were thinking about hot dogs and someone mentioned hot dogs, that is not irony. If someone said you were intelligent, that would be irony.

Diagnosing someone with ADD or OCD Okay, your offspring’s hyperactivity is not due to ADD, it is due to putrid genes (i.e., your’s) and you placing your child in front of the television if lieu of actual parenting. No, your inability to stop checking your cell phone is not OCD; it is you being an asshole. There is a difference. OCD and ADD are actual acute medical disorders that can leave the recipients almost incapable (or totally incapable) of leading anything resembling a normal life, they aren’t just excuses for irritating behavior. You cannot diagnose yourself or others with ADD or OCD when you have no medical experience).

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.


Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!