There’s nothing like going out on a few dates with a guy, finding out his favorite movie is The Jerk and he loves T.Rex almost as much as you do, then going to his apartment for the first time and finding a bunch of manga posters on display in his living room. As an Asian woman, I’m pretty sick of it. Anime nerds, I am not a cartoon. I’m not here to fulfill your Bondage Fairies fantasy. Here’s my biggest problem with it. Fetishism is the ugly person’s loophole. That’s the beauty of life, that no matter how busted up you look, there’s always going to be someone out there willing to bone you. But it’s not really fair for the rest of us who are mildly attractive. I don’t want someone liking me for some fantasy I represent to them, I want them to appreciate me for what I really am—pretty. But looks have hardly anything to do with it in this crazy world of anime fetishism. All you have to do is be any race that even subtly resembles Japanese and they go fucking bananas. I’ve seen these nerds go ape shit for a hot Asian woman and then express the same vigor for an unattractive one. That’s just not fair to the hot one. And here’s why the fantasy never works with me, anyway. For one, anime chicks don’t belch really loudly; they’re dainty.

When anime chicks see a big bug, they squeal and ask you to free it outside; they don’t beat the shit out of it with a book and yell, “Die, you Fuck!” Anime chicks wear really short schoolgirl skirts and bounce up and down when they get excited; they don’t wear pants with paint stains on them from two years ago and chest bump to show their enthusiasm. But I do. I do all of those things. And because of that, I will never, never live up to the reputation of anime porn. In short, I am a huge disappointment. Because these weebos think any Asian woman will automatically fulfill their every hentai desire. And what gives them that impression? Well, it’s because so many Asian women just add fuel to the fire. For example, I have a friend who constantly uploads to Facebook pictures of herself dressed in little skirts shoving a peace sign at the camera. It’s embarrassing for me for the same reason I don’t like dressing up fancy and going to trendy sushi places like Ra. I don’t want people to think I’m one of them. Oh, I don’t mind the traditional Asian stereotypes bestowed upon me—bad driver, rice eater, etc.—bring ‘em on. But the Ed Hardy/Louis Vuitton chicks who giggle with their hands over their mouths, say “you so stoopit”, and call themselves Tweety—I don’t want people to think I’m that.

But back to the fetish. Of course a lot of the appeal has to do with the whole innocent schoolgirl thing. But I think more than that, this specific fetish has everything to do with the subject of the fetish being foreign. The less English they speak and the less aware they are of western culture—the better. That way, they’re more oblivious to how nerdy these guys are. It’s perfect. To a foreign chick, these guys can be heroes. And it doesn’t get more foreign than Asians. But I speak too much English for all that. It’s a shame. I have a big thing for nerds, but they always have a big thing for Asians. You’d think it would all work out perfectly, but I’m a huge hypocrite.

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