The car games of our youth, fun as they were, now lack the novelty. “I Spy” is not the thriller we remember. We need new distractions and amusements to fill those long car rides. Here are some suggestions that will help pass the hours on the road as well as push some personal boundaries. Roadkill Marionette: Find a recently deceased raccoon and bring it in the car. Pretend that IT’S driving the car. Put sunglasses on it. Give it a funny voice and a backstory. Have it pull over and pick up other animal friends, all of whom should have different personalities and should also be roadkill. Use gloves. I Love Littering: This is a game of guts and pride. One person starts by dropping a small piece of trash out the window and declaring “I love littering.” Every subsequent person drops a larger piece of trash and states “No, I love littering MORE!” The game stops when someone concedes that they can’t take this abuse of the environment or when you run out of trash/clothing. Conversation Freeze Out: Each person takes turns making a pleasant, fun, easily accessible conversation starter to which no one is allowed to respond. After five minutes of silence, the next person makes a similar overture. Again, no one is allowed to respond.
Participants are allowed to address people individually to increase the tension. For example, “Tina, I heard you’re starting a new job soon. Congratulations! Are you excited?” Silence. For five minutes. The game ends if someone cracks and responds. Plastic Bag Bandits: Everyone in the car puts plastic bags over their heads. Pretend you’re all bandits getting ready to rob a stage coach. Talk about what you’re going to do with your share of the score in an old-timey Western accent. Some of you will pass out. I Never, Gary: Identify the car’s most obnoxious occupant, most likely someone named Gary. Based on what you know of Gary, select something he’s done in the past and declare “I never [that thing].” When Gary admits that he has done that thing, pull over and say that he has to get out of the car. You drive off and enjoy the rest of the trip without Gary crapping up your good times. Hitchhiker High-Five: You’re approaching a hitchhiker. Slow the car down to a roll and lean out the window. Yell out “Where are you going?” The hitchhiker will state where they want to go, say Kansas City. You say “Kansas City? I LOVE Kansas City. High-five!” Give the hitchhiker a strong high-five, then drive off. NOTE: Do not feel bad about this.
The hitchhiker might be a victim of a successful round of I Never, Gary and you don’t want that in the car. Read A Sign Out Loud And Declare A Deep Personal Truth: As you pass billboards and store signs, select a particularly crazy-sounding one and read it out in a hilarious voice. When people in the car stop laughing, share a personal secret that’s been welling up inside you for years. For example, read out “Big Dick’s Halfway Inn” in a deep, husky voice, then tell everyone that you can’t achieve an erection if you’re not watching an animal in pain. Body In The Trunk: Pretend there’s a dead body in the trunk of the car. Everyone needs to come with a plan together to dispose of it. Challenge and build on each other’s ideas to arrive at the best solution. Make a blood pact never to tell anyone. It’s fun to pretend! NOTE: If it turns out there actually is a body in the trunk, say you’re going to the bathroom and run for it. You’re not going back to jail. Not for Gary, not for anybody.
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