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REALITY SHOWS BEFORE HOS

As much as I hate “reality” TV, even I have to admit that "Bromance", the recently announced show featuring a bunch of “average” guys competing for a spot in Brody Jenner's entourage, is probably going to be incredibly watchable. Semi-intentional homo-erotic undertones aside, the fact that there is going to be an entire series centered around random dudes vying for the chance to be the lame hanger-on to a lame hanger-on is so mind-bogglingly dumb it's awesome. Reality entertainment is now the Russian doll of television. It doesn't seem that long ago when people used to question the validity of Paris Hilton's celebrity. Now, she's practically spawned an entire franchise of faux-stars and even those guys are spinning off their own celebs. Avid historians will note that this was all predicted long ago by President Reagan in his little known “Trickle Down Theory of Deucheonomics.” If proven correct, by 2056 every single American citizen between 12 and 65 will star in their very own reality series which will consist solely of them getting into arguments outside of nightclubs and asking their friends for relationship advice.

But back to this year’s soon-to-be sensation. For those of you too lazy/embarrassed to DVR "Bromance" for yourselves, here’s a handy breakdown of its inevitable highlights: --In the first of many loyalty challenges, contestants will be eliminated immediately in the event that they narc on Brody after he date-rapes an underage girl in the alleyway behind Les Deux. --Another bro will be shown the door after it is determined that he is actually slightly cooler than Brody himself. --Brody will make his interim entourage perform as a barbershop quartet. --It will be revealed that Kevin, the bro from Arkansas, killed his parents with a mallet when he was 14. Brody decides to let him stay, however, since Kevin is the only one who knows how to make that "dope-ass" French toast he likes so much. --A meteor will crash into the earth, killing 7/8ths of its population.

--Julian, the token black guy from Atlanta, will emerge as the chosen bro and become part of Brody’s entourage. --Julian’s tenure will be brief, however, after Bush declares himself Dictator of America in light of the meteor disaster and invites Julian to take a position in his cabinet.

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