I plead with you, member of my entire generation, enough with the 80's inside jokes. In fact, let’s keep in mind that something isn’t “inside” if we’re all collectively aware of it. I’m not sure when we decided to resuscitate EVERYTHING we grew up with, but it only strengthens the other generations’ points about us being spoiled, unimaginative, a-bags. Quit naming your bands after 80s movies characters. I'm talking to you McFly, Atreyu, Mogwai, and The Fratellis. You have had nothing more influential in your lives than characters from Spielberg blockbusters played on TBS at least once every six months? Have a little soul. Do a little research. Naming a band is one of the coolest things about being in a band, and you guys totally phoned it in. Don’t expect to become a rock legend when your fans are screaming, “Fievel’s Mom rocks!!!!!” Let’s talk criminal fashion reruns. Wayfarers look lame on women. Sorry, Kirsten Dunst clones, but they do. Something about the delicacy of a woman’s face does not work with those sunglasses, especially in red. Yikes. Bubble skirts are also weird and not flattering on most pairs of legs. Giant poufy shoulder pads? No ma’am. The guys are in on it, too. I’ve seen some “ironic” rat-tails lurking around Los Angeles, and all I have to say is - knock it off.
You can recycle 80s concepts without completely bastardizing them. It’s ok to riff on a theme. For example, let’s bring back androgyny. And I don’t mean guyliner. Let’s see more artists like Culture Club, Eurhythmics, and Prince. Poison’s Look What The Cat Dragged In album could be credited for determining our generation’s widespread acceptance of “alternative lifestyles.” Oh and remember when there was a lot of comedy on TV? Let’s have more shows that make me laugh and less of the ones with a dead body in the opening scene. In fact, while we’re at it, let’s go retro by giving TV shows more than 3 episodes to find an audience. Last but not least, allow the resurgence of the term “yuppie.” Selfishly, I need something with more than 4 letters to describe the people destroying our economy. However, it is not to be used in conjunction with “smooth move, Ex-Lax.” Really, we have to draw the line.
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