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NOW I HATE COLLEGE

Recently, I've been feeling nostalgic for my college days... all those many 3 years ago. Those were good times. Staying up late with friends, parties, having precious little responsibility, drinking the cheapest, grossest beer available. I didn't worry about the Dow Jones Whateverial Average. We had more important things on our minds, like who would win the coveted VMAs: "Weapon of Choice" or the cringe inducing new version of "Lady Marmalade." Heady stuff! However, my nostalgia bubble for college just recently burst, thanks to a new artist named Asher Roth. His single, entitled "I Love College," has received over 3 million plays on YouTube. Having watched the video in its entirety, my head is now flooded with things I hate about college (or at least, Asher Roth's Asshole University). For one, there's the douchiness. The first images of the video show Asher wearing the "College" t-shirt (I assume there's a Fight Club poster in his room, as well) and shoving a passed out girl onto the floor. Oh, those college guys. Always getting girls "completely naked," having drunk sex, then allowing them to collapse onto the floor. Apparently the frat jock movement didn't die with rap rock, it just got a slightly more chilled out beat.

Does anyone really brag about their beer pong skills, like Asher does? I’ve played beer pong, but I’ve never heard someone be like, "stand back. I’m the Hakeem Olajuwon of beer pong, sucka!" Brag about being able to play sports or video games, sure - but beer pong? "Yo, I can throw ping pong balls into plastic cups. In fact, that’s my major, bitch!" At one point, Asher is so impressed with the party that he wishes they’d "taped" it. Uh, it’s a college party, so even though it wasn’t taped, I’d guess about 200,000 pictures were taken and uploaded to Facebook the moment it ended. Now you can always cherish the time Asher forced himself on you and you drunkenly relented, because there’s evidence online, for all your extended network to see. To be fair, the song does preach safe sex. You’re not supposed to have sex with a girl who’s "too far gone," although I’m curious what the barometer is to measure that when everyone’s "wasted." He also advises that you should put 2 condoms on, although the accompanying image of a guy having condoms thrown at him while laughing also makes me wonder whether condom use is actually gonna happen.

"Condoms! That shit’s hilarious! Now where was I? Ah, yes. The unprotected sex..." At the end of the song, Asher chants "do somethin’ crazy." Does he mean partying? Cause it seems like he’s doing that every single night, so the way I see it, partying is no longer a "crazy" thing for him. Crazy for Asher might be reading a book, or seeing a movie with friends, or having a conversation that isn’t over a boring, repetitive hip-hop beat. If that’s the kind of "crazy" Asher’s ready for, then I think he should go fucking nuts! [Editor’s Note: Apparently KROQ is playing this shit now. Why do they only play hip-hop when it’s by white rappers?]

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.

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