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MY QUEST FOR CRAIGSLIST LOVE

On a whim one night, I posted to the criagslist personals. It was 9pm on a Tuesday. It was fucking freezing outside. Obviously, it was dark. “Wine tonight?” the subject line read. Those who dared to click further were given little further information. There was no photo, no descriptive information, no myspace link. Just: “I’m a cute girl, fun, and feeling spontaneous. Does anyone want to split a bottle of wine on the beach?” I wondered if anyone would actually respond to a nameless, picture-less post about meeting in a poorly lit, isolated location to drink booze with an unknown girl. (Or axe-murderer, whatevs.) Ethically ambiguous, yes, but an interesting experiment. I figured there had to be a couple crazies out there. Or 357. Because four hours later, I had exactly 357 responses. While they were all special in their own unique way, here are some of the gems. (Copy-and-pasted verbatim, I swear.) sounds good. theirs a cemetery right behind my loft. Maybe he’s joking. Maybe “cemetery” is also a typo, and he meant to type “beach.” Maybe he’s just thinking ahead to the afterparty. And by afterparty I mean death.

Hi, there! How are you? Sent from my iPood Dude. Duuuude. “I pooed” ??? That’s just not sexy. I received several suspiciously long “sent from my Blackberry/iPhone” emails, but this one took the cake. While all women are naturally sexually aroused by iPhones, there’s no need to lie. I don’t have an iPhone, either. And, seriously, if you’re sending this from an iPod touch, don’t advertise that shit and go back to playing tetris. i am a bull. im allso a gamer all kinds of games from gear of wars to online rpgs. love art and nerdy thigns too I was impressed that, in addition to online RPGs, this guy was into nerdy things. However, I’d think that a regular online gamer would be a bit better at typing. Maybe it’s those cloven hooves Hi!! I am definitely and alpha male.....you sound cool...so....thought I'd respond! I'm 43 yo 5ft 11 170 brn blue..VERY fit/toned/athletic clean cut type..done some modeling, so NOT ugly! haha..nice lean body..sexy/fun/charming/smart...CLEAN d/d free.

To uncover the true meaning of this response, one must read between the lines. His subconsciously chosen words of emphasis? VERY. NOT. CLEAN. Now we have to see if YOU are worthy of TravTime...*winks* So be creative and answer this fun question: which do you prefer? fork? or spoon? *sly grin* Talk with you soon...or not, your loss...*winks* His name is Trav, if you were confused about the TravTime *laughs*. And I’m sure Trav’s an awesome, magnanimous guy but when I read his email, all I could picture was a 14-year-old girl. With a fork for a penis. Sure let's meet up for some great wine and dine and you do all the buying. I'll do all the buying next time. Spoil me and I'll spoil you even more. Sure. Right after I mail off that check to my friend in Nigeria. Obviously he is a cheap-ass LA native. I was tempted to meet this guy just so I could kick him in the balls.

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