The first thing you realize on arriving at Tokyo Disneyland is that there are almost no families there. 90% of the crowd is Japanese hipster teens. To be fair, if they were the equivalent American teen, they’d probably just be zitty virgins buying their clothes at Forever 21. But since I don’t speak Japanse, they seem cool to me. Most of the guys style themselves after various anime (Japanese cartoon) and manga (Japanese comic book) characters – spiked-up, David Bowie hair, long trenchcoats, sometimes giant swords on their backs. And the women…Japanese women look like they could be fifteen anyway. But to see actual fifteen year-olds in the midst of winter wearing heavy coats, scarves, and boots with short-shorts is enough to make me want to play Humbert Humbert. Tokyo Disneyland managed to do something the Disney parks here never did – make themselves relevant to someone other than toddlers and Disney fags. It was odd to see dozens of average male Japanese teens walking around with collectible Stitch-topped popcorn buckets around their necks, waiting in half-hour lines to fill them up with mocha-flavored popcorn.

Or stunningly attractive, weiner-teasing Japanese goth-Lolitas clutching $40-a-pop Disney teddy bears (apparently to open Tokyo Disneyseas, a park that’s as related to Tokyo Disneyland as California Adventure is to regular Disneyland, Minnie Mouse gave Mickey “Duffy,” a teddy bear to take on a cruise with him; for some reason, roughly 50% of the people there owned at least one Duffy and many bought him fancy outfits that started at $30 each). The other really strange thing about Tokyo Disneyland is that aside from the food – where alongside a burger, you’ll see katsu curry or they’ll take a perfectly good churro and ruin it by flavoring it with lemon and honey – everything else is the good old American Disney characters. So when you walk into an attraction like the Mickey Mouse Symphony (which used to be a featured show at Disney World in Florida), it’s a little unsettling to see Donald Duck suddenly start screaming at you in Japanese. But this is probably to be expected from a country where department store food courts sell $240 boxes of cherries, bagels come in the regular flavors plus green tea and vanilla chip and the women’s PBA features gorgeous, petite creatures instead of the normal dykey bowlers.

Error, no Ad ID set! Check your syntax!

MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.


Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!