I could write books on the shit that I have seen but here are just a few highlights: Over the denial of a second scoop of ice cream I have had a 3 year old yell “You have to give it to me, you work for me!”. I slapped the shit out of him. Okay, I didn’t. But I really really wanted to. I have had a 4 year old throw a two hour tantrum, akin to an epileptic seizure, because she wanted a different kind of goggles to wear swimming. She was not happy with the five pairs at her disposal. Swimming by the way, in her private pool directly next to the tennis courts. This particular little bitch also made up a song while perusing through her 20 or so bikinis(!!) about how rich she was. “I’m rich. I’m rich. Soooo rich! Richer than you. Richer than you. I am so rich”. The sad thing is that it’s true. I have watched mothers freak out in awe over the fact that the kid I was babysitting used the foreign words of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. I have witnessed another 3 year old refuse to get in the pool at a group swimming lesson by screaming at a handful of adults. And instead of getting thrown in the pool as any normal parent would do (right?), her mother rushed to her aid citing her therapists’ views on never making little Sally do anything she didn’t feel safe doing.
What the fuck? Sally’s tears abruptly stopped and while cradled in her mother’s codependent arms, she showed the menacing smile of a 40 year old gold digger. Cut throat manipulation to the end. In that instant I got scared. Parents are lovingly creating and cultivating their very own hell. Over hours of analysis, I have broken down why these parents are letting their kids do whatever the fuck they want with zero consequences. A) GUILT. The parents work all of the time, have full time nannies, and therefore try to make up for it by never saying No. Add in a divorce to the mix and the problems double. Add in two divorces and, well you do the math. B) STUPIDITY. The parents are stupid assholes. C) WHITE TRASH. The parents were raised with no class, education, or foresight to buy a fucking parenting book. D) YUPPIE HIPPIES. These parents believe that their children should follow their hearts and not be influenced by "our" preconceived notion of what is right or wrong. This can be the deadliest kind of parent because they are so fucking smug and self-righteous about it. Makes you want to puke on their $500 moccasins.
I finally had to draw the line and give it up. Yes, the cash was good but nannying in LA was making me bitter. I became celibate and vowed never to get knocked up. At least not while living in this manner less city.
MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.