Hollywood gets a bad rap for being a place filled with nothing but people who lie to you all day. And that is really not the case. It's not that people lie in Hollywood. It's just that they are completely delusional. People in show biz aren’t vicious, horrible people who are trying to screw you at a moment’s notice (okay, some are, but those are the really really successful people whom you’ll never meet and will probably drop dead of a coronary any minute now). They are people who, through the necessity of self-preservation, have deluded themselves into believing they are more important than they really are. When someone says they think they can get your movie made, they truly believe it. There is no master plan to fuck you over. They think they have the power, clout and juice to do it. Therein lies the problem. They have zero power, are clout free and the only juice they have is Minute Maid. So there is no malice, just a ridiculous sense of self-worth. People even get deluded on their business cards. I can’t tell you how many cards I’ve been given that say “VP of Production” or “Director of Development” or, my personal favorite, “Creative Executive”. Now, these cards aren’t fake. Real people have these jobs and are given these real job titles. It’s just that the titles mean nothing.

They just sound really cool. They might as well add to their business cards “I have no real authority but, hey, at least I don’t have to answer the phones.” Let’s not even call it “lying”. Let’s call it “omitting”. For example, a producer may tell you, “I have a connection to Matthew Mcconaughey.” She’s not lying. She’s telling you the absolute truth. She’s just omitting that that connection is a sister of the cousin of the equipment manager of McConnaughy’s high school football team. This not lying happens all over town. The actor who says “I’m working on a Hugh Jackman film” who’s really just an extra; the singer who’s “in the studio working with” is really just Xeroxing sheet music; the young producer who’s “helping produce the next Judd Apatow movie” is actually a PA getting donuts; and the hot model who says “I’m nailing Vince Vaughn”…okay, well, she probably is and you should become friends with her immediately. There are no liars in Hollywood – just people trying to keep the dream alive. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting for a MAJOR new MadAtoms project that I’m involved in that I’m late for. [Editors Note: No you don't. Get back to work slave.]


Kirk Pynchon, Mathiole, LIVING THE DREAM

Error, no Ad ID set! Check your syntax!

MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.


Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!