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INSTANT MESSAGE ANXIETY

Last, the Tool/Old Man Repellent App is quite exciting. The only thing IT guys hate more than themselves is Apple Inc. They hate the idea that any schmo can be self-sufficient with a computer, especially a handheld one that’s easy to use and get repaired. Next time the office IT guy is giving you shit while “fixing” your inexplicably crashed motherboard, use the moment as an opportunity to explore the ring tone options for your iPhone. Remember, you’ll need to hear all of the choices several times at the highest volume to make an informed decision. Additionally, this thing is better than mace when it comes to escaping dirty old men. If some creepy old dude hits on you, just flash your iPhone, and tell him to put his email address in your contacts. Then, use the built-in camera to capture the horrified/confused look on his face, and text it to all of your friends. He won’t bother you again. Treo, Blackberry, and Sidekick, see you at The Crossroads.

When you take into account AIM, g-chat, facebook chat, myspace chat and iChat, I feel like I’m suffering the wrath of a social networking blitzkrieg (my computer screen being Poland). Can everyone consolidate their chat function already? There’s also the times someone attempts to start a chat with me, but I’ve been away from my keyboard for two hours. I think chat etiquette says I’m supposed to have some sort of "away from keyboard" message, but I shouldn’t have to tell people whenever I get up to use the bathroom or watch TV. And yet, there you are, waiting hours for a response that never comes, making me look like the jerk. Occasionally a good IM conversation will occur, but what’s the point? Chances are you’re probably someone I see on a regular basis, but the next time I see you, there’ll be nothing to say. All the good stuff was covered in the chat. It’s not worth it the hassle. My point is, someone needs to make a pill that treats IM Anxiety Hopefully it’ll be relentlessly advertised on television and have a name like "Messagia."

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