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INDUSTRY SLUT RANKINGS

You might think that Extras are the easiest lay on a movie set, but you’d be wrong. Extras, while vain and dirty, are shrewd avaricious bitches. Meaning, they’ll be down to bang anyone who can further their career- Director, Producer, Actor. Mainly, everyone but your poor ass! Here is a list of the easiest lays on a movie set: 5. Makeup Bitch - she has two loves in life: chocolate and makeup (it’s not coincidental that one is a palliative for the effects of the other). Knowing this, bring her a Snickers from Craft Services and explain to her how love handles are romantic. Then, give her a real facial. 4. Wardrobe Skank - her scares run deep. After all, when she dreamed of working in fashion design, she never imagined she’d be trimming slacks in the back of a dilapidated bus. Nevertheless, her failure to actualize her dreams means she’s ripe for the plucking. Go into the wardrobe trailer, drop trow, and tell her you need a measurement. Before you realize it, she’ll be hammer-hogging your yardstick.

3. Production Whore- she had self-esteem until she started working as a P.A. Tell her you understand “the struggle.” Then when she begins to open up to you, remember that nothing says, “I feel your pain” like pinching a loaf on her chest. When you finish, just smile and say, “At least its not rolling down hill.” 2. Sound [Engineer] Tramp - sure, she’s over Forty, she smells like Mylanta, and her body looks like a scallop, but don’t let that fool you. This old pony has more than a few rides left in her. Tell her about your soft spot for Stevie Nicks, and then get ready for a free floss- because you’ll be dining on some extremely stringy piss-flaps! 1. Hair Slut - this Superslut is moving up in the world. No longer does she toil at the local Supercuts for a few nickels. Now she’s making a few dimes chopping the lettuce of the cast and crew. Don’t get distracted by her stretch marks, just tell her you love multiracial children and you always wanted to be a surrogate father. You’ll be elbow deep in her blowhole before she has a chance to furrow her brow and utter, indignantly: “child support?”

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