Hollywood has as many ways of saying “no” as it does Baldwin brothers. Each layer of rejection is special and unique in it’s own way, but all of them boil down to the exact same sentiment: They think you suck. The following layers of rejection apply to all areas of the entertainment industry, whether you are an actor, writer, director or musician. The only area these rejection layers don’t apply to is craft services. No one rejects craft services. Going top to bottom, saving the most heinous rejection for the last, Hollywood’s Seven Layers of Rejection are as follows: Layer One: They Liked You And Would Consider You For Something Else In The Future. This is the least harsh layer of rejection. This means that they like you, want to work with you but not until you’re much, much, much more successful. Layer Two: They Liked You But They Didn’t Love You. Remember in high school when the girl of your dreams told you, “I like you, but I don’t ‘like’ like you”? It’s the same thing here. In both cases, you are not getting laid.

Layer Three: Now’s A Really Bad Time For The Market. Here’s the thing: There’s NEVER a good time for the market. It’s always a bad time. Using this excuse is the equivalent of saying, “Now is a bad time to start smoking heroin.” Layer Four: They’re Going In Another Direction. That direction being as far away from you as possible. Layer Five: They Were Hoping You’d Bring More To The Table. And by “more” they mean, “more talent”. Layer Six: It’s A Hard Pass. This is Hollywood’s “nice” way of saying that they really fucking hate you and what you are doing. [Side note: A “soft” pass is still a big no – it just means that one person in the room liked you, but that one person was an assistant).

LLayer Seven: No Response. The last and worse layer, kind of like the spicy ground beef at the bottom of a seven-layer taco dip that gives you massive farts. No response means that they don’t give a fuck about you and your work. In fact, they care so little that they don’t have the time or energy to get on the phone and tell you. If you are wondering if there are Seven Layers of Acceptance in Hollywood, the answer is no. There is only one layer of acceptance in Hollywood: The layer where they pay you.

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