In L.A ."beard" used to mean somebody a gay dude hung out with so they didn’t seem so gay, much like that blond chick Keanu Reeves is always with or anyone Tom Cruise has ever dated/married. Now “beard” just means a lot of facial hair. A lot of sweaty facial hair, since we live in L.A. where it is HOT. I'm not complaining here, just observating. Beards are so trendy now they are threatening to put Bic out of business. I first noticed this prevalence of dudes with beards whilst sitting at a local hipster dive bar/coke den. My friend and I were fully enjoying objectifying a cute bearded guy ordering at the bar, until we saw him go back to his table where there were TWO other guys sporting the same, really long beards, 'cept in different colors. One bearded dude- hot. More than two bearded guys and you start to feel like you're hanging with the seven dwarves, and not in a sexy way. Seriously, what was going through their minds before heading out to get loaded and scare the ladies that night? “Hey, Brad, what are you gonna wear tonight?” “ “Well Mike, I was thinking of that western shirt with the gold thread and a foot long, blond beard. You?”

“Same, but without the gold thread. And my foot long beard is brown.” I’m sorry, but unless those guys were all just coming from a ZZ Top convention, one of them should have tackled the other two and forced them to either shave or trim those things. Imagine if me and my girlfriends all decided to wear headbands on the same night? We’d look like idiots, and not just because we were wearing headbands. I know beards aren’t like regular accessories- they take a while to grow but if you think about it that just means you guys had at least a month to plan your outfits.

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