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HIP-HOP DANCING IS TOTALLY “GHEY”

My family finally guilted me into joining a gym. Most of my day consists of sitting in front of a computer, or sitting in a car, so I can drive somewhere to sit at a computer. So it's probably a good thing that I'm now moving a little bit some of the time. One of the perks that sold me on the gym was the promise of free "Hip-Hop Dance Classes" included with your membership. I've always been interested in taking a hip-hop dance class, but I never had a clear visual in my head of what "hip-hop dance" actually meant. I love hip-hop -- Jay-Z, Outkast, Snoop Dogg -- and dancing to those songs in a club is fun. Well, guys don't really dance. We just lean like cholos while girls shake their asses on us (god willing!). With the right girls, a dance class like that would be awesome. Sign me up, gym! Well, I can't say the class met my expectations, but it did meet my gaypectations, which in turn means that I thought it was Liberace gay. I watched a class take place in the dance studio through the clear walls. Uh, I don't know what hip-hop this gym's instructors are listening to, but it looked more like N*Sync than T.I. in there. They were doing jazz hands, not the Soulja Boy. Not a booty was shook.

Can this really be considered hip-hop dancing? I mean, back in the day, when New Jack Swing topped the charts, rappers did aerobic dance moves. Kanye West dances, but he does a lot of R&B hip thrusts and slow moves, which I feel is at least tangentially related to hip-hop. The gym hip-hop moves were straight out of 1998 boy band boot camp. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw them do a variation of the "Bye Bye Bye" arm thing. You know what I'm talking about. Dancing like you're in a boy band is fine, and I'm sure it gives you a good workout, but let's not call it "hip-hop" just because you're technically dancing to hip-hop music. Until I see T. Pain rocking the jazz square, I consider this false advertising.

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