One of my favorite pastimes is pairing two things together that don’t really belong. The latest incarnation is the merging of directory assistance and 2 Live Crew. Here’s how it all went down. Operator: City and state please? Me: Los Angeles, California Operator: Listing? Me: The Fuck Shop Operator: (long pause, disbelief) Can you repeat that please? Me: THE….FUCK…..SHOP Operator: Can you spell that please? Me: I think it’s just spelled the way it sounds, I haven’t been there. Operator: (long pause) …no listing sir.

Me: Can you check the surrounding area? Operator: Checking surrounding area… listing Me: Maybe it’s spelled different, can you try F-U-C-K S-H-O-P-P-E? Operator: (sighs) One moment….no listing Me: Hmm, can you try looking it up in residential listings as Shop, Fuck T.? Operator: (about to tell me to fuck off) Checking residential listings….no listings

Me: Each room has a bed and also a sink. So you can wash your dick after fucking the pink Operator: Sir, I if you don’t have another listing for me to check on, I’m going to end the call. Me: I'll fuck you 'till you sleep; you'll sleep like a baby. And in your dreams, you'll say I'm crazy. In the Fuck Shop! Operator hangs up, I consider redial.

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Missed Connections – Sad Slasher #1

A murderous slasher has been killing people at his creepy cabin for years - but now that a neighbor is warning people away, his supply of victims has dried up!