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GENERATION SEX TECH

Two years ago, I briefly dated a girl still in college. She seemed normal, except that she liked to take pictures of the two of us together, right after having sex*. I thought that was odd, but it turns out she was pretty tame by today's standards. Some of us use camera phones to take pictures at a party. Others use them to snap quick photos of a favorite band. If you're part of the current generation of high schoolers, you're probably using them to take pictures of your first blowjob. With a fancier phone, you can shoot a video for the TV! Hippies had their "free love," and now technology is turning a new generation of young narcissists into mega-sluts. A recent survey shows that about 1/3 of teens have posted private, nude and/or explicit photos online. In other words, the Vanessa Hudgens thing is actually part of a fad. Damn it, why can't I be going to high school now?! We had fucking Tamagotchis and these kids now get jailbait boobies. What we have is a generation of amateur porn producers. Except while pornographers do it for money, our younger, YouTube ranter siblings do it because they don't know how not to share.

Why wouldn't they put pictures of themselves getting anal (still a virgin!) on Facebook? They put their thoughts, phone numbers and social security information there, so why not themselves humping? Apparently, when you're young, you're too stupid to consider the consequences of having a video where you explore your vagina pop-up on RedTube. For us, a lot of our dumb high school mistakes are buried in the past. For them, videos of themselves attempting to lez-out can be seen by relatives and potential employers for as long as there's an internet. If I ever have children (especially daughters), the golden rule is going to be "Never EVER have your photo taken when you're naked. Your boyfriend WILL put it on the internet." And besides, I don't want to accidently stumble upon that shit while rubbing one out. So continue your camera phone antics, high schoolers (not you, future children). The internet thanks you for all the free porn. Be comforted knowing that we're all laughing/masturbating at/to you. You're welcome.

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.

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