The U.S. Government is spying on you. Right now. I’m not joking. If you don’t believe me then you can: A) Check out the FISA bill B) Go fuck yourself. If this is the first you’ve heard of FISA, then it is your fault that this bill passed in the first place. Do yourself and the country a favor and pick up a newspaper once in a while, jackass. Some conspiracy theorists say that “they” are literally recording everything we say on the phone and do on the Internet. Well, if that’s the case I feel sorry for the poor schmuck who has to root through the garbage can that is my daily conversations. I’ve taken the liberty of arranging some samples from a Gmail chat that I had with my friend J. Arthur Penman to show them what they have to look forward to reading: Part #1 – See 4chan! Look what you’ve done to us! Penman: some guy posted naked pics of his ex on /b/ me: and? Or are you just telling me what you're going to fap to later? Penman: it's hilarious that’s all

I don’t think I could fap to something like that Penman: I mean Pictures in general have lost a lot of their fapability what with streaming video and whatnot me: so then what’s the story with these pictures? Penman: she was cheating on him She’s ok But I mean I fuck hotter chicks regularly so it’s nothing special Penman: she’s just standing there Got her fingers in her cooch Whatever. Penman: amateur stuff=no thanks Part #2 – The casualties of comedy Penman: that’s how Michelle pisses me off Making pregnancy jokes me: not cool Penman: then I make punching her in the stomach and pushing her down the stairs jokes Then we’re both mad

Part #3 - Two gentlemen on relationships me: you know how I can tell your girlfriend sucks? She likes Tiffany’s jewelry Well, either sucks or is Asian Or in a sorority Or all of the above I just go to downtown LA and buy shit that normally costs hundreds of dollars For cents on the dollar Of higher quality but it doesn’t say "Tiffany" on it You better get anal for that shit Penman: I dunno if she even likes Tiffany’s I just know she likes name brands Serious on the anal though I had my dick like half up her butt last night It’s a start me: half? What stopped you? Penman: a number of things me: nothing short of hurricane Katrina would have stopped me

These gems were taken from just one conversation. There are literally years of conversations that are far more offensive and retarded than you can even begin to imagine. So move along U.S. government, there’s nothing to see here. You might want to focus on people like Hillel Aron. Doesn’t he just sound like a terrorist? Also, I’m pretty sure Mark Harris is some sort of minority. You better keep an eye on him before he moves into a white neighborhood and lowers everyone else’s property values.

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