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DON’T TALK TO FREDOS

If you want to get anywhere in Hollywood, don't deal with the Number Twos, or, as I like to call them, “Fredos” (yes, I know in the first two Godfather movies Fredo was more like a number three or four, but I’m using him because he was such an utter moron. Anyway, the title “Don’t Talk to Fredos” sounds cooler than “Don’t Talk to Toms”). [BTW, if you have no idea who Fredo is or have never seen The Godfather movies then you are a fucking dumbass who needs to log on to NetFlix and put Part One and Part Two at the top of your queue. Though you can go ahead and skip Part Three – it’s so painfully boring that you’ll wish you had been strangled with piano wire.] In show business, a Fredo's sole function is to say no. They don’t have the power to say yes and their inability to do so will constantly crush your dreams at almost every turn. Even if they love your project they still have to say no. Why? Because they are the Number Twos. They aren’t the Number Ones. They aren’t the Michaels. The Michaels have all of the power. They are the ones who can say yes. And will the Michaels meet with you to give you that yes? Hell no. Why? Because they don’t fucking have to, that’s why. They don’t even have to tell you no. That’s why they have the Fredos around.

Number Twos basically have two concerns: 1) keep Number Ones happy and 2) keep theirs job at all costs. That’s it. And both are closely related. And when you think about it, almost anyone can be a Fredo. All it really requires is the ability to breathe oxygen and expel carbon dioxide. There is a reason why Michael killed Fredo (spoiler alert I guess?); besides the fact Fredo was stupid, petty and a traitor. Number Twos are easily replaceable. The worst thing about Fredos is that they think they have a lot of pull when in reality they are just a joke. The Michaels of the world use Fredos for what amounts to little more than busy work. In Godfather Part Two Michael has Fredo bring him a suitcase filled with two million dollars all the way to Cuba. That may sound important but it’s really no different than a Number Two driving from Burbank to Santa Monica to get a Number One his favorite protein smoothie. In both cases the Fredos think they are doing something really important when in reality they are just running errands. So if you shouldn’t talk to Fredos and can’t talk to Michaels, what are you supposed to do? I honestly have no fucking clue. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this piece – I’d be in my huge mansion with my AK 47 and a mountain of blow (okay, that was from “Scarface” and I’m mixing my gangster movies, but you get my point).

My one suggestion is this: become your own Michael. Create your own work and your own success. That way you don’t have to deal with the Fredos or other Michaels of Hollywood. You can let them sleep with the fishes (again of you don’t know that reference, get off your ass and rent The Godfather).

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