If you’ve been in a committed relationship with someone for more than five years, congratulations! You’re slowly driving each other crazy! While there is the rare, massively co-dependent couple who can enjoy more time together the longer they exist as a unit, chances are things are getting pretty ugly for you two crazy kids. Here are some good date night ideas to help you avoid having to think about how things got to this point.
Starbucks — Why start a fight in your living room when you can fight in public? Starbucks is a cheap date so you won’t feel bummed when the night devolves into a light-shoving contest after you accidentally reveal you think the barista is hot. You’re only human, right? Right? A word to the wise: if you’re ordering for the other person, make it an iced coffee to avoid unnecessary injuries when said coffee is inevitably thrown in your face.
Ice Skating — This is really fun even if your partner can’t skate. Especially if your partner can’t skate. Try running power skating drills beforehand so you can escape them in mere seconds when you hit the ice. Wave goodbye as you make it safely to your car and back home in time to change the locks. Before they know it, they’re going home with the creepy Zamboni operator. The only downside to this date is that sharp skate blades mean likely stabbing if you fail to escape.Hiking – Pack extra water and snacks (for one) in case you get lost while intentionally trying to get your boyfriend/girlfriend lost. They’ll regret ever telling you to turn off that damn “Man vs. Wild” show when they’re trying to make a fire in the dark by themselves.
Road Trip – Nothing quite like a small, confined space to symbolize where you two are at emotionally, is there? It’s probably a thing that if you assault each other across state lines that makes it a federal crime, so keep your hands to yourself. Your iPhone is an excellent source for directions, unless obsessively checking her phone GPS every time you make a wrong turn is something she does that makes you crazy, in which case throw it out the window.
Hanging out with Each Other’s Parents – What better way to realize he will never change and you’re stuck in a loveless death spiral than eating brunch with his Dad? What better way to see where she gets that annoying nagging habit from than studying the habits of her annoying mother? This activity is bursting with self-realization! Remember to keep conversation topics to neutral things like the weather and sports, although with the underlying current of tension you will have your work cut out for you.Group Hang – When all else fails, invite your mutual friends to get in on the fun of your faltering relationship! Definitely no weird energy here. Make sure to have lots of snacks, so people have things to nibble on while they avoid eye contact with you two as you insult each other. Meet up at a friends’ house instead of one of your apartments to avoid re-living the psycho-traumas of past fights. Group hangs are also a great way to introduce your friends to other friends and live vicariously through them as you watch their love blossom and become amazing. Later, when you’re crying in the bathroom, you can rifle through their medicine cabinets and see they’re not so perfect after all.
Mini Golf – For the truly sadistic, there’s always mini-golf: an 18-hole test of fine motor skills that even a child can play better than you. And the best part, you’re constantly being followed by a group of miserable people who are just waiting for you to please finish fighting so they can play the hole and get back to having some actual fun. Make sure to take things like the score and the stroke limit super-seriously. If this isn’t the perfect spot to celebrate the anniversary of your fifth break up/make up, no place is! Live it up, love birds!
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