“Darkside Of OZ” Sucks

Are you a young upstart stoner sick and tired of Half Baked and Freaks and Geeks re-runs? How about a middle-aged professional going through a mid-life crisis involving a trip to Burning Man and a few borrowed library books on Neo-Paganism? Or maybe even an arthritic senior citizen abandoning Bridge in favor of a late-life exploration of the culture which surrounds your newly prescribed medication? Whatever the case, an investment in marijuana culture will no doubt eventually lead you to a fundamental stoner phenomenon known as The Darkside of Oz. For the ignorant, Darkside of Oz refers to the end product resulting from silently playing The Wizard of Oz while looping Pink Floyd’s Darkside of the Moon over it. Not only are both elements trippy on their own, but many coincidental match-ups throughout add to the mind-fuckingness – of which I will detail later. In many urban cities, one can generally find an indie theatre which hosts the event once a month or so, and in the case of my home town, allowed you to smoke pot in the theatre. And as a now-retired veteran stoner, I’m here to tell you: don’t go. Firstly, the actual presentation is painfully boring on its own. Add to that being stoned out of your mind, and it’s unbearable.Sure, the first ten minutes are novelty – that whole black and white pre-hurricane bit is pretty tripped out, regardless – but by the time you’ve finished your first joint, you’ll be wishing it was just the damn movie playing, because without sound, its almost impossible to follow the plot. It’s actually becomes really frustrating to watch the scarecrow prance around in song, knowing full well how entertaining the scene could be, while being forced to listen to six minutes of chiming clocks attempting to whittle away at your sanity. And thus, the entire experience becomes a game of trying to get as high as fucking possible while also making sure to pay attention anytime someone nearby alerts you of an up-coming song-film synchronizations. Of course, these match-ups are stupid. Examples include the lyrics, “balanced on the biggest wave,” while Dorothy balances on a fence, or the ringing of bells in “Time” while the wicked witch rides her bicycle (presumably equipped with a bicycle bell). Not only have all synchronicities been confirmed as mere coincidence by Pink Floyd, but objectively appear as hopeful projections capable of being imagined only by someone pants-pissingly ripped off of top-notch B.C. kush. Surmounted by the fact that crowds will cheer and gasp each time an on-screen coincidence occurs, and you’ll be quickly realizing why your parents told you pot was for burnout losers. Except it’s not pot that makes you stupid – it’s Darkside of Oz.My intention in writing this is not to discredit all stereotypical stoner activities as inane. Playing videogames, eating Cheezies and jerking off are all valid and enjoyable ways to spend your high-time. But if you’re looking for a shared stoner outing, Darkside of Oz isn’t it. For a better time, look into your local planetarium: since nobody really gives a shit about looking at stars anymore, they often screen massive iMax documentaries about trippy pseudo-scientific shit like polar bears and trains: now that shit will fuck you up.

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