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THINK YOU'REFUNNY?

CANDY FOR RICH ASSHOLES

Leading the charge of super-exclusive, insanely expensive handmade confections is LA’s own Boule. According to their website, Boule is a gourmet patisserie, glacerie, and confiserie. It’s also a doucherie. How does Boule stack up? “Fatale” Chocolate - $4.00 Dark chocolate bon-bon with Scotch bonnet pepper. The Scotch bonnet pepper is incredibly hot, yet pairs nicely with the Costa Rican-sourced cacao, creating a searing fire that cuts through the sweetness and bitterness of the chocolate. Later, I go to the bathroom and touch my penis with pepper-fingers, burning my glans. Despite that, I still like the chocolate. Fleur-de-Sel Caramel - $1.50 Handmade caramels made from butter, sugar, cream, and French sea salt crystals. The sea salt provides a delicate crunch and an alkalinity that enhances the burnt-sugar taste. And the glitter-infused cellophane wrapper makes me feel a little better that I just spent the equivalent of four Hersey bars on something that I ate in one bite.

Pistachio Macaron - $3.00 Much to my surprise, macarons are a French pastry involving meringue-like cookies sandwiching a delicious filling and not someone misspelling old Passover favorite “macaroon.” The cookie portion was pleasing to the eye with its pistachio green hue and provided a crackly outside yielding to a soft center. The filling had the right mix of real pistachio flavor, sugar, and tang to it. Which reminds me – why don’t people use the word “poontang” anymore? Handcrafted Marshmallow - $3.25 I suppose I should be punched in the sack for purchasing something referred to as a “handcrafted marshmallow.” But this was so fucking good, I’d kill my mom for a basket full of them. Hell, I’d kill her for two. Sweet and delicious, this makes those bags of Jet-Pufts look like dried-up dog turds.

The verdict, sure Boule’s expensive. Much like Paris Hilton. Only it won’t give you herpes. If you appreciate finer foods, intriguing flavor combinations, or if you have a rich boyfriend, I highly recommend checking it out. A word to the wise – their best individual piece of candy is the “Inamorata,” which blends Sumatran milk chocolate, figs, and a hint of dead baby.

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