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BRETT RATNER WEARS SKIRTS

True or False? 1. No one is allowed to touch Peter North’s hair during porn shoots because if they do, he will instantly lose his erection. The erection goes down at about the same rate that a balloon animal version of his dick would if it was stabbed with a pair of scissors. 2. Before he was Marky Mark Wahlberg, he had already committed at least two hate crimes. This other time, egged on by some fellow white trash dickhead buddy and massive hits of PCP, he bludgeoned a Vietnamese shop owner deep into unconsciousness and left another permanently blinded in one eye. He has not apologized for any of this and currently has no plans to. 3. Alfonso Ribiero (TV’s Carlton Banks) died in 1999, two days before the new millennium, while attempting a head-spin in his hip-hop dance class. 4. Steven Spielberg has so much money. So much, in fact, that when his son Max rode a public Concorde jet for the first time at age 8, he turned up to his mother and asked "Why are all these people getting on our plane?"

5. Brett Ratner showed up to record the audio commentary for X-Men 3 wearing a skirt and looking like he hadn’t slept in some time. He had faint traces of make-up around his lips and eyes. Nobody in the recording stage had the guts to question it, and Ratner himself conducted business groggily, but otherwise normally. Then, during the lunch break, Ratner noticed his reflection in one of the sound-proofed windows, and utterly froze in place for a couple seconds. He excused himself to the bathroom and did not return until the next day, when he was dressed normally. 6. Gary Busey did so much blow in the 80’s, that for the duration of filming on Lethal Weapon, he refused to open doors normally, electing instead to jump kick his way into every room. ANSWERS: 1. TRUE There are better pictures of North’s immaculately coiffed hair on the internet, sure, but 100% of those also feature bleached a-holes.

2. TRUE You can see it glossed over in this article from ABC News. 3. FALSE This is basically a rumor posted on his IMDb page, except I changed the date to try and help break dancing stay current. 4. TRUE This was told to me by a trusted source. I have to keep his name hidden, he says, if I want to hear another story involving Michael Mann and yelling. 5. FALSE I’m just not a big Ratner man. 6. FALSE But I’ll bet you spent a considerable while pondering that one.

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