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BREAKING UP OVER SKYPE

I probably shouldn’t have done it. I probably should have been a man and broken up with my girlfriend in person (or be at least half a man and break up with her via text message). But we were already on Skype and we were already fighting so I figured “Fuck it. End it now.” Big mistake. Huge. First of all, there is no escaping the fight when you’re on Skype. You’re completely vulnerable because your girlfriend can see you. When you break up over the phone it’s easy. You can walk around your place, you can make faces when she says something stupid and you can even watch TV if the breakup is taking too long. When you do it on Skype you’re trapped. You’re stuck in front of the computer screen, you can’t move out of frame and you can’t pretend to pay attention. It’s like breaking up with someone who’s yelling at you three inches from your face – it’s very uncomfortable and very awkward. Another problem is that the grainy image you get on Skype heightens any sort of emotion you see your girlfriend have. So when she’s crying it looks really awful. When she’s sullen and just staring at you it looks evil. And when she’s yelling at you and calling you a “gutless cocksucker” and a “worthless pile of puke” it really hits home.

And what made things worse was that I kept looking at myself in the little square in the left hand corner, something my girlfriend has called me on in the past (I’m sorry, I’m vain like that). So when she saw me peak a glance at myself she lost it: “DO NOT FUCKING LOOK AT YOURSELF WHILE YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME!” “I wasn’t, I swear! I was just…deep in thought!” “LIAR! ALL YOU DO IS LIE! JUST LIKE YOU LIED AND SAID YOU WERE GOING TO GET A REAL FUCKING JOB!” I think that if we had broken up over the phone or even in person it would have gone much quicker. But I guess people really get attached very easily to any new technology. What I should have done was right when we were fighting but before I decided to dump her, I should have told I had to go to the bathroom, gotten off Skype, called her on her cell phone and THEN broken up with her. That would have been the smart, less painful and really, when you think about it, the classy thing to do.

In the end it worked out okay. We both came to our senses (and by “we” I mean “me”) and got back together a few days later. We made up by saying sorry on Facebook. We’ll probably break up again on Twitter and only get back together as long as we don’t have to do it in person.

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MADATOMS is an alt-comedy network focused on videos, articles and comics. We post daily videos, ranging from breakout virals to auteur driven shorts.

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