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ALL PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED BY DANCING

Watching all of these dance shows on TV lately has made me a true believer in the power of dance. If these shows continue to get such huge ratings then that means dancing is something I need to embrace. I am now convinced that all of the problems and tough times in life will go away if I only dance. Hey, it worked in all of those eighties' breakdancing films: Breakin’ – dancing brings a rich girl from Beverly Hills and a “thug” from the streets together in love (FYI watch this movie for no other reason than seeing an unknown Jean Claude Van Damme as an extra dancing in a spandex unitard). Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – dancing helps stop construction workers from tearing down a youth center. Granted, I’m sure the construction workers were union and only too happy not to work, but that’s really just nitpicking, isn’t it? Fast Forward – dancing actually helps a group of teenagers to win a Battle of the Bands and earn them a record contract. I’m not sure that dancing has anything to do with playing music, but who am I to argue against the power of dance? [Editors Note: Directed by Sydney Poitier? Seriously? WTF?]

And let’s not forget the video from Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”. Come on! If highly choreographed, perfectly synchronized, all male dancing can unite two warring street gangs then imagine what it can do for Israel and Pakistan. There’s really not a problem that dance can’t fix. About to get fired at Starbucks? Just dance and watch your boss promote you to head barista. About to get kicked out of your apartment? Just dance and witness your landlord allow you to stay – rent-free. About to be dumped by your girlfriend? Just dance and see her go down on you…with her best friend…at Applebee’s...and it involves bacon....let's say for the sake of arguement, a club sandwich. I’m pretty sure we could cure AIDS if we only harnessed the magic qualities of dance. Think about it. No more disease, no more poverty, no more terrorism. All of the world’s problems would vanish and be replaced by everyone prancing around in a dance belt while giving Jazz Hands. So, remember, whenever life gets you down and you feel like cutting your jugular with a rusty Coke can - just dance!

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Kirk Pynchon, Oles Romanyuk, THUG LIFE

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