“I have not been hacked,” mostly.
Then we’d be fucked.
Dancing is a sport, okay?
With disdain, mostly.
This is why you need to learn how to text, Mom.
When two hot chicks grind at the bar, everyone loves it, but when me and my best bro do it, we’re suddenly gay.
Soccer? We mean football.
There’s really no good reason.
“This will work.”
Normal reasons, naturally.
The many ways to be non-committal without your spouse really knowing.
I know that we’re both on our fifteenth beer, dude. But that doesn’t change a thing.
Sarah Jessica Parker was at the Target grand opening in the author’s hometown. Seriously.